This is a story about giving, but not what you might think.
Giving
It’s the “Giving Season,” and this is a story about giving, but not what you might think.
A long time ago, in a life far, far away, I was a radio DJ.
In the late ‘90s, I talked my way into a job at a small Rock and Roll radio station in Portsmouth, Ohio. If you’re wondering how I pulled that off, it’s simple... I volunteered to work for free.
At first, I sat in with other DJs, listening and learning, and doing basically whatever they told me to do. After a while, I was working by myself, operating the board for satellite broadcasts of syndicated shows.
Like a sponge, I absorbed everything I could about the radio industry and how to be a radio DJ. I was finally given the chance to go on air by myself. It was a four-hour timeslot from 8:00 pm to midnight. If I did well, the program director said he’d give me a permanent part-time shift and a paycheck.
I was beyond excited, and as the time leading up to my first solo on-air experience ticked away, I was scared to death.
What if I screwed up? What if I panicked and froze? What if I blurt out a four-letter word on-air and I’m fired even before I’m hired?
Those were the questions running through my mind on the drive to the radio station on the night of my first shift. I was a mess. I was physically shaking, and my palms were sweating so much, my hands slid off the steering wheel. Funny thing is... I’m not a palm sweater! That’s how bad I was.
Why did I feel this way? I’d done the work and put in the time and earned the trust of management to give me this opportunity. The answer is something I’ve struggled with all my life.
Self-doubt.
I deal with it daily, especially as a writer. We call it “Imposter Syndrome,” that little demon that sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear, “You’re a bum. You’re not good enough.” That little bastard has upended more writing careers than any literary critic.
I’ve learned to overcome that self-doubt by realizing that it’s all in my head. That realization happened on that night of my first on-air gig, standing on the street in downtown Portsmouth, looking up at the nine-story building that held the radio station, shaking and sweating, feeling like I’d be totally naked and fully exposed in front of the entire world.
Then, I thought, “This isn’t a world stage. It’s not a major network or even a top-tier radio station. It’s just Portsmouth, Ohio.”
Now, no offense to the fine people of Portsmouth, but facts are facts, and as soon as I realized that this small market was just a stepping stone, I felt much better, and my anxiety subsided. I walked into the building and performed my on-air shift with no mistakes. I just needed to get out of my own way.
Sadly, my radio career was short-lived. The station was sold, and new management changed the format to Country Music. They got rid of almost all the on-air talent, which included me, so I moved on to other non-radio-related endeavors.
So, what does this story have to do with giving?
A couple of months ago, I was asked to fill a role in a play at a small 100-seat theater in the town of Fairborn, OH. On a good night, there may be 75 seats filled.
Because of my experiences in radio, in stand-up comedy, and everything else I’ve done in my life, I’ve done a little acting. Mostly small, independent theater productions and independent movies that, unfortunately, no one will ever see.
The director is a friend of mine, and the role he asked me to do was so small, I think he knew he couldn’t get any other experienced actor to commit (1 ½ minutes of stage time, if that). So, he called me, and nice guy that I am, I said yes.
That cast included 10 other actors, all very much younger than me. In fact, I was three times as old as the girl who played the female lead. Generationally, I didn’t exactly fit in. But I made the best of it. You see, one of my superpowers is that, given the chance, I can get along with anybody. So, even though my role was minuscule, I made lots of new friends.
One of them was the guy who played the male lead. This was his first time as a lead character in a play, and he had page after page of dialogue to memorize. He was constantly walking around, reading his script on breaks and in between scenes. He really wanted to do well, and on our opening night, before the curtain opened, he was a basket case. Nervous pacing, sweating, heavy sighs, you name it. I looked at him and saw myself, all those years ago, before my first solo radio show.
I thought, “Time to give... some advice.”
I approached him and told the story of my time in radio, and how nervous I was before my first on-air gig, and how I told myself, “It’s only Portsmouth.”
He turned to me, and I swear, I could see the look of relief light up in his eyes when he said, “It’s only Fairborn. Wow, that’s a great perspective. Thanks, man.”
Again, no offense to the fine people who live in Fairborn, but a 100-seat theater is not Broadway.
I patted him on the back, and when the curtain opened, he took the stage and crushed it.
Now, I’m not taking credit for his performance. He put in the time and the work and committed everything he had to the role. But I sensed that little self-doubt demon was climbing up on his shoulder and whispering in his ear. I felt compelled to share my own experience and help him overcome his fear and beat down that little bastard who was telling him he wasn’t good enough. I think it helped.
I’ll be 62 years old on the 23rd of this month. I’ve made it to this age through a lot of trial and error, learning from experiences and advice given to me (both good and bad) along the way.
My wife and I give to charitable causes when we can, but at this stage in my life, I believe the most valuable thing I can give is advice on how I overcame obstacles, especially when it comes to beating down that little demon who thinks I’m a bum.
Now, I know that bolstering a dude’s courage before taking the stage in a small, independent play doesn’t seem like much in the grand scheme of life. But my point here is... If you have a chance to help someone, do it. If you see someone struggling, reach out. Maybe some word of wisdom you have to offer will make a huge difference in someone’s life.
Thanks for reading, dude.
We’ll see you out there.
Ron Clyburn
Website: ronclyburn.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/ron.clyburn
Instagram: @ronclyburn
TikTok: @ronclyburnauthor
